Guess what? I’m not the only 30-something woman left I know who’s never had a bikini wax. The fact that I’m not the only one doesn’t surprise me but why did it take so long to have a waxing conversation with a good friend. The answer: I’ve always looked at personal grooming as something private. I’m someone who up until my 20’s referred to my vagina as a front bum.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m no prude and no stranger to pain. I like to look and feel feminine and have my own beauty rituals including Venus razors, tweezing, indulgent moisturizers, foils, and the occasional manicure. I’ve gone through childbirth THREE times without drugs and was clearheaded enough to know that my hoo-ha was on display to the whole hospital staff including the cleaning person. You think that would have wiped out any modicum of modesty I had left. Wrong!
A bikini wax to me is like letting the world in on a secret that I think no one else knows about. (Maybe I need to out my demons and go to Pubicholic Anonymous…Hi my name is Sandra and I have pubic hair…). I’m no sasquatch but how do you make the move from the privacy of your shower to stripping down in front of a stranger and assume they are not saying to themselves, “My God, she’s got sideburns!” My friend and I discussed the styles, techniques, and ways to rationalize our embarrassment. Here’s what we came up with:
The Bikini Wax
Ouch Factor – Thank you! Might I have another?
We decided that when and if the time comes to make that leap, we’d ease into it slowly starting with the ultra conservative bikini wax which takes care of the areas around the swimsuit line. My friend thought that you kept your underwear on and simply hiked up the sides as far as you wanted the wax to go. I thought similar except you were given paper panties to wear. Either way it would, to our knowledge, require the least amount of discomfort and minimal embarrassment. If I can undress in front of women at the gym, I can have a basic bikini wax.
The French Bikini Wax
Ouch Factor – Parlez-vous Yikes!
Next up is the slightly less conservative ‘modified’ bikini wax or ‘French bikini wax’. Simply put: more area covered, greater discomfort and increased redness (I’m talking about my cheeks blushing here). We’ve learned this technique leaves a narrow line in front and goes very far between the legs, but not all the way to the buttocks. Excusez-moi! Needless to say you’re sans undies here. So the question is, can I imagine myself spread eagle for 15-20 minutes in front of a stranger until I here the magic words, “you’re done.” My friend doesn’t know if she could do it. After a glass or two of champagne and an out of body experience, oui oui I think I can.
The Brazilian Bikini Wax
Ouch Factor – How do you say “my loins are on fire” in Portuguese
Perhaps someday I’ll reach the point where I’ll say to hell with it give me the works. We’re talking front to all the way back and everything in between. Some believe the Brazilian to be absolutely hair-free, while others characterize it as leaving a small “landing strip” in the front. I guess you have to be specific when you place your order: “I’ll have the Brazilian, no strip, extra bare please.” However, getting on my hands and knees to have part of it done from the back or by holding a leg straight up in the air seems way beyond my comfort level. I suppose I could try reminding myself that I am #7 out of 15 vaginas and butts on the table that day and at some point they must all blur together into one. I have another friend who during her Brazilian thought to herself, “Sandra would never get this done”…Bottom line is she’s probably right!